Confessions of a two year old

Last year, I wrote about my one year old's epiphany.  I wanted to continue the tradition this year. Two years ago on this day, I was rebaptized. These are the things I learned as I turned two years old in Christ.

Humiliation

It is an uncomfortable word. It is an uncomfortable experience. Yet, while I look back over the course of this past year, I have a deep appreciation of the moments of humiliation in my life. See, I am a stubborn and hard-hearted man, and so I have realized that while affirmation and encouragement can be meaningful, it is not what really pushes me into greater growth. The experiences in my life where I fall down on my face in humiliation are the ones that ultimately create more growth in me. I cling to Christ closer. I am made small in my own eyes and it causes me to depend more fully upon Jesus. As my mentor Matt Minikus said to me, Cling to the things which humble you. I normally run away from them, but over this past year I have found these moments to be the ones where heaven draws nearer to me.

Bigotry

I have it. I was very surprised when I realized it. I didn't expect it. I didn't see it coming. I always considered myself a very open and accepting person, but it turns out that I am a bigot. To be bigoted is to reveal an obstinate belief in the superiority of one's own opinions and a prejudiced intolerance of the opinions of others. Those of you who know me personally will probably agree that I struggle with this a lot. I realized some months ago and I have continually realized it over the course of this year, perhaps because I dedicated the year of 2013 to fighting my personal bigotry. What I realized is that my bigotry was tied into who I was and that it didn't matter what ideological tendencies I leaned to. I have gone through hyper conservative, hyper liberal, and very backslidden phases and I can attest that no matter what I believed, I had the tendency to look down upon the 'others.' I believe it is a human plague and it doesn't matter whether I am particularly religious or not, it is going to emerge. Therefore, I am wielding the weapons of Christ against it this year. I mean, you tell me, is there any room for bigotry in the fellowship of believers where we are supposed to reflect a unity in Christ comparable to the one the Father and Son enjoy?

Joy

Last year, when I turned one year old in Christ, I was still struggling with a lot of grief and a lot of bitterness. I cannot say I have been totally healed from those things. I must admit there are times where I still struggle with wanting to disengage, be depressed, and throw a little self-pity party to which no one has any interest in coming to. So yes, I am not totally healed, but over the last year, I have recovered my ability to enjoy. It's come slowly, much to the chagrin of my old ARISE intern friends. I had such a hard time letting loose and having fun when I was with them. The warmth, compassion, and love of friends, family, and my girlfriend, have made them vessels of the Spirit to guide Bryant back into the folds of joy. I know that I am positive and optimistic at heart, but much sin, guilt, and heartbreak have created barriers and suffocated the roots of joy in my heart. I thank the Lord Jesus Christ who has been able to give life to these seeds though. As I turn to two years old, I find myself laughing more often. I find myself being able to take a night off and make small talk again. Heck, I even find myself using smileys often. My happy dancing is back!

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There are my honest reflections as I turn two years of age in Christ. I am ever grateful the Spirit called me and continues to call me. I know I am far from the mark, but as I look back over this year, I find reason to have faith the Lord is raising me up. And with faith, comes hope. Now, hope does not disappoint, right?

The faith of my girlfriend

My girlfriend makes me happy often. She does this through various means communicated at various times. One of the ways is the admiration created in me as I have gotten to know, to understand, and to explore another mind.

A mind similar to mine, yet so different, shaped by different circumstances and from different genetics. It's exhilarating to think I have the privilege to specially commune with another person with a mind of their own. When they think, their voice sounds in their head. How strange.

As I have gotten to know her, one of the ways she's made me happy is by observing the way she lives out her faith. Now, forgive me for being so cliche and so religious and so sentimental, but there is a beauty I see and an appreciation I have developed as I begin to understand why she worships this way, why that moment in her life is an altar, where her Ebenezers lie, how she traces the hand of God in her present life, how she studies the Scriptures, and the manner in which she wrestles with the Spirit. Hearing her pray.

The truth is that it is impossible for me to know about the faith of everyone in this manner, but to have one person where such an opportunity is present is much more than enough.

So she makes me happy. And as the type of Seventh-day Adventist who loves to take a spiritual beating or as my good friend Matt Minikus would call it, get slain, I have a deep appreciation for Jacqueline Burciaga as I hear her testify of what she believes about God and how He acts in her life.

It challenges me to plead for discernment, for eyes to see the spiritual dimension surrounding the armies of the Assyrians, for I know I am blind. See, I am the kind of person, the kind of Christian who would like to be thought of as having an 'Intellectual Faith.' (Whatever that means) Yet, as I fellowship with Jacqueline and with other loved ones, I begin to wonder if this supposed intelligent faith label gives me too much license to doubt the plain teachings of Scripture. Let's be honest, the Bible doesn't demand stupidity from its followers, but it does communicate that a more appropriate posture in life is one of a child with wide eyes and open hands willing to be taught by the Everlasting Father.

So I observe her and I watch her and I respect her and she shares so much to me that challenges which causes me to consider whether I am allowing a blindness to set in; because at some point, may be I am not being intellectual at all, once again whatever that means, but simply being a hardhearted unbeliever who needs Jesus to heal the blindness, and so I am delighted in the courage of Jacqueline to stand beside her Seventh-day Adventism while working her 8-3pm job in the heart of the Las Vegas Strip malls and hotels.

As I enter this Sabbath, I thank God for the faith of my girlfriend for it blesses me, I confess I am blind and my eyes don't see everything, and I cry out, "Son of David, don't pass me by."

So He makes me happy for He has communicated to me in various ways at various points in my life and the faith of my girlfriend is one of them. And that I can see quite well.

So Oliver and I are headed across the pond

Hey. Thanks for taking the time to read my blog here and there. I know the stuff is pretty lame and boring most of the time because, I mean really, what does a nineteen year old kid really have to say about the world and religion?

Haha. I appreciate your support as I share my story here on this little piece of the blogosphere. :) And I am excited to report a very exciting twist in the story.

Oliver and I are packing up and heading over to Europe. Germany to be exact, to be a part of AFCOE-Europe. I am not quite sure about all that I am going to be doing, but I know I will be financially provided for and that there is a certain sense of security heading that way.

I'm a bit nervous because I have never gone across the pond. Also, mum and dad won't be a phone call away to help me fix my problems so the adult life will be wholly learned.

There's much to be excited about and much to be nervous about. Some thousands of years ago, Israelites stayed up late and packed hurriedly to make a quick exodus from the land of their bondage to a promised land.

I don't pretend to think God is leading me to Germany as a promised land, but tonight as I finish packing and prepare for this voyage, it strikes me that as I leave the States there will be much cleansing as I am cut off from many 'Americanisms' and experience the very different, very secular, very foreign Germany.

Most of all though, Oliver and I are excited to do mentoring with AFOCE-Europe and engage in all the lessons that will yield. Oliver invites you to continue reading this blog as it will trace my adventures, my stories written as I live under grace over in the Vaterland. :)

No rest

There is no rest for the gossiper. There is no sleep for the unfaithful pastor.

There is no peace for the fanatic.

No strength can be found in a segregated church.

What silence can the bitter stand?

There is no comfort for the matriarch.

There is no satisfying the church member who wants up.

There is no security for the legalist.

No meaning can be found in doubting everything.

What scrutiny can the people with God's name endure?

If pornography was...

If pornography was actually beneficial and instructional, it would look quite different. If pornography taught rightly, it would mostly follow a married couple throughout its day.

Or if it wanted to be really risqué, it would begin a series with a single man somewhere and a single woman elsewhere.

Both learning humility, service, worship, and laying aside selfishness.

Then it would introduce the courtship of a young man and a young woman, studying each other’s character in every day life.

Agonizing in prayer, study, and counsel to the cost and be certain of the risk.

If pornography really taught us how to have good sex it would spend a lot of attention in the small duties of life leading up to sex.

It would show a man who respected his wife and did the dishes for her. Who did not forget her because of his career.

It would show a woman who loved her husband and delighted to be with her best friend. Who held no record of wrongs.

If pornography was actually beneficial and instructional, it would look quite different.

If pornography taught rightly, it would show a husband and wife serving one another and walking humbly before God.

Or if it wanted to be really risqué, it would show a couple who valued spiritual well-being above wealth and the American dream.

It would show a couple who goes out to dinner and hold conversations, hold hands, and look like they’re still dating.

Or it would show a woman smiling because she’s secure and wanted and she knows it.

A man who is admired and supported walking confidently about the home.

There would be no disputes over Wall posts and texts.

If pornography really taught us how to have good sex, it would embrace the spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual, sacredness of it all.

If pornography was actually beneficial and instructional, it would look very different.

It would end with a happy couple in a bedroom having finished relating their day’s events and an evening devotional, turning to one another to make sure they both have the energy for it.

And there would be many films were the husband would be too taxed and he would admit it.

And there would be many films were the wife was too spent and the husband would be gracious still.

And there would be many films were the two would smile with a child-like grin and say, yes.

If pornography taught rightly though, the film would darken and end before anything was seen not because there’s any shame in what they do, but because the art of sexual expression is an act of worship no couple would ever want to share with anyone, but God.