The Three Bryants
A little over a month ago, I decided that I wanted to go on a trip with friends for my birthday weekend. Although Yaniz and I had the greatest time #millennialing through five cities in Europe over the holidays, we realized that trips without friends can be only so much fun for two personalities who love their people.
The locations that tantalized me were Birmingham, Savannah, Asheville, and New York City. I started throwing around the potential locations to my friends, and they chuckled. My wife was a little perplexed too. What’s in Birmingham? Well, there’s this burger place that’s delicious. Why Asheville? Well, the mountains. Really—Savannah? I hear it’s a cool town. New York City? That sounds complicated.
Yes, but I like complicated.
To their credit, my friends were willing to go wherever, but of course, in classic ENFP fashion—I couldn’t make my mind up on what I wanted.
“Those all sound like very different kinds of trips.”
“Yea, I know. I’m perpetually having a hard time choosing between the three kinds of Bryants I would like to be.”
The group chat laughs. “What are the three Bryants?”
“Well, I am Burnout Artist Bryant, Corporate Mogul Bryant, and Poet Preacher Bryant.”
After much consternation, angst, and searching of my inner soul—I finally settled on Asheville, North Carolina. It would be far enough from Chattanooga to provide me with the rush of escape, but close enough to make it manageable for the friends I had invited.
Making One Choice
Of course, the next challenge was the kind of trip I wanted. Did I want something more in nature or closer to Asheville proper? And did I want to provide everyone with a set list of activities and itinerary? Or did I want it to be flexible and figure everything out as we went through the weekend?
“I think you need to just come up with a list of things you want to do. Like what is the one thing you want to do in Asheville?”
To be honest, I didn’t really have anything that came to mind. I wasn’t even particularly motivated to dig around for recommendations on activities. I felt like a bad planner. Why am I the way I am.
Around Wednesday, I had a few friends text me if they needed to bring anything in terms of food or snacks. I realized that with eight people coming, they might need some direction. Again—I had no desire to dictate the specifics of what we did, but I realized that I needed to give them an idea of what to expect.
So I typed: hey so I think Friday night, we’ll eat and walk around. Then on Saturday, if we are alive early, we’ll do something nature-y and make it optional. Then coffee and brunch. Then everyone can make the afternoon their own. We’ll figure out group activities for the late afternoon and evening. To close out, I want to eat breakfast burritos with everyone on Sunday morning. Those are the general rhythms I’d like to have.
When I finished typing, I realized that the one choice that mattered to me was going somewhere and having friends with us. The particulars during the trip could get figured out on the spot—perhaps by me, perhaps by Yaniz, or even by other friends, and it would still make for a delightful trip for me. Going to Asheville and being with friends whose company I enjoy (and tastes I trust) was all that was vital to my birthday weekend experience; I could be free from guilt.
I already had my one thing I wanted in Asheville.
What Happens When You Graduate
There are some who graduate and their life is already mapped out. They secured an internship or entry-level position with company A or church institution B. They will pursue a graduate degree. Or they are taking a gap year before pursuing said graduate degree. They will be going home to work on the family farm. Et al.
And then there are some of us who, either by personal choice or by cosmic ordinance or by sheer dumb luck end up in a wilderness of uncertainty. All life is uncertain and risky, but some of us end up with higher dosages of it right after graduation, and it’s very scary. University education is very good for certain professional tracks, but if you don’t fit in a box—it can be a little mean to you.
If you find yourself perplexed, unmoored, and directionless, right after what you thought was going to be The Launching Point Into Your Career, then you’re not alone. I was as well. Many of us do.
In fact, despite the fact that I have a stable job now, I may still be adrift at sea. (Don’t take my word for it though. Us ENFPs are notorious for our convictions that we are alone and that no one “gets” us.)
What happens when you graduate without your life mapped out is that you will be tempted to make no choices because how can I really know what to do?
That is understandable, but it will be a mistake. You must make one choice that will provide you with a stepping stone. When I graduated, I was scared to commit to Yaniz because how can I really know what to do. Now, I am tremendously proud of 2017 Bryant for going through with the choice. I am adrift about many things, but I’ve got a wonderful partner who loves me.
Other first choices may be less absolute but still make for good stepping stones. I took on a job in an unfamiliar field with loose applications to what I ultimately want to do in life, but I’m thankful for it. I was not afraid or too good to take on an I Never Imagined This Job. I knew the manager I would work with would show me the professional ropes and that learning to be a professional would be useful no matter what occupation I took on.
Listen to the Experience And Choose Again
There were choices that came as a result of choosing friends and Asheville and not having a fixed itinerary. We had a few moments were we sat around trying to figure out dinner options a little longer than preferred. Saturday brunch was a little confusing. I got dragged to an ice cream place even though I don’t really care for ice-y cream. But everyone enjoyed popping in and out of group activities as they wished, we got plenty of sleep, and we ate plenty of local Asheville fare. Everyone got home safely with good memories from the weekend. It was a good trip.
There were also choices that came as a result of choosing Yaniz and Ooltewah and not working within my Transcendent Purpose.
It’s important to remember that when you make certain Bigger Choices, like who you want with you and where will you work, it will implicate other choices like where you might live and what activities you engage in. Each choice directly leads to another subset of choices. I am improving at the art of gladly receiving the Next Set of Choices. I am no longer quick to gripe at the results of the circumstances I helped create. That’s too much baggage to carry. Besides, my life is good, and it’s unbecoming to gripe when life is good.
These days, I listen to my current experience and use what it’s telling me to choose again—perhaps the same, perhaps differently—but always choosing again and again because the one thing I refuse to do is stagnate.
So some days I lean Corproate Mogul and other days I feel like a Burnout; other times, I am ready to be a Preacher for the rest of my life. But I do not allow uncertainty to paralyze me.