Lessons From a Broken Semester - I am More than Grade Point Averages

December 29, 2014 usethegrace

This week, I will chronicle five lessons that I gathered from this past semester of college. Today: Finding value beyond grades.

The gift of growing up with a father

June 16, 2013 usethegrace

I grew up with a father.

This seems to be a gift and a privilege and it has given a blessing that unfortunately, many children will never receive. As I think of my father, I get soft and sentimental because I always wish for his strength, long for his approval, and cherish his care.

*****

I broke my arm. So I was taken to the hospital. For some reason, they want me to stay the night. I only get one parent as a caregiver and they ask me for my choice. I consider the matter and make my choice. I want mi papa to stay with me. I feel very delighted at my choice because I will spend the whole day and whole night with my dad. The day and night went on and neither were very eventful but it did not matter. Yes, I had a bit of bone issue, but I was safe and my father sat beside me.

The strength of my father would keep me safe, no matter broken arms.

*****

I am wretched in the bathroom with tears. An unpleasant phone call, the most recent of many over the last few weeks, has shattered me. I cry and cry and the sorrow in my heart only increases. I am in absolute desperation. In the middle of my shame and pain as I face the consequences of indulging in youthful lusts, I begin to long for my father’s presence. Our apartment is small so I know he is not far, I can hear him in the kitchen. He can hear me too. My desire is made heard.

I cry wretchedly, “Dad!...dad!...”

He rushes into the bathroom and sits beside me. I fall into his arms. I begin to yell and hurt incoherently, saying everything and nothing. He really could not say much in the face of this outburst, but there he is, listening. Knowing the pain. Empathizing in a deep way because the sins his son suffering over, were also a part of his past. After our tears are exhausted, we talk then pray and understand.

The care he shows me midst of my shame, speaks to me of the care of my Father. After a moment, we leave the bathroom and go out to eat the meal my mother made for us.

*****

We are going West. My parents did not want me to drive the 3,000 miles from Minnesota to Oregon by myself so my father is driving me. I did not sleep much in the days leading up to the trip so I struggle to stay awake. The drive will not be easy because we will go through some interesting mountain passes. My father is guiding me to the place where I will take on my first adult ministerial job and I sit there beside him, falling asleep. I want to help. I want to drive.

I want to be strong like him and let him enjoy the passenger seat while he watches his son drive the car he prepared for him.

*****

I have enjoyed the presence of my father, cried in my father’s arms, and been led by him into my adult ministry life. His active presence has shaped me in countless ways and I could not imagine what my life would be like without him.

Api, te extraño, te quiero, y te doy gracias por ser parte de mi vida.

Because Beau Gilmore told me to get off my phone

May 28, 2013 usethegrace

Matt Parra once taught us a class about the lack of still time we put ourselves through. He noted how this very much went against the experience of the prophets, who were oftentimes led into wilderness experiences by the Spirit of God. The case he used as his driving illustration was John the Apostle and the Patmos experience the apostle went through. Because the apostle, in a sense, fasted from everything on that island. He fasted from friends, from family, from social comforts, from connection, and all the other things which would come from being among one's own versus being in an isolated prison island. That class still burns very vividly on my mind.

"Why is it that the prophets were always led to wilderness experiences and why is that oftentimes it was there where they dreamed dreams and saw visions? Why is it that we don't dream and see visions? I wonder if perhaps the reason we don't experience more dreams today and see more visions today is because we don't have more Patmos experiences. What if instead of constantly trying to fill the voids, with music and entertainment and pleasures and whatever distractions we can lay our hands on, we sought to enter Patmos experiences?"

He would go on to say in that class that in his mind the idea of fasting was to sweep away all the things that could become a distraction. Sweeping them away so you could lay bare and exposed before the Lord, with nothing to fill the voids with.

As I sat in that class, I remembered being strongly motivated to make fasting a regular discipline in my life. Fasting in the broad sense, though. There are regular times I fast from food, but I have also sought to fast from other things. Perhaps things someone else would not understand because they aren't issues for them. For example, during Lent I decided to join in but since I am vegetarian already, I decided to fast from my mobile social media apps, limiting my use to computer and web browsing. Ever since then, I have not been tweeting as much, right Eric and Monique?

I have done fasts from Facebook and from phone usage. I have fasted from negative thoughts and from praying for myself, limiting my prayers to dialogue and intercessory prayer. Etc.

And this week, I am fasting from a great number of things. The reasons I fast are not for public sharing. The purpose of this post is not to bring attention to how holy I am for fasting. I am not seeking your attention.

Here is my point: a few weeks ago, I was sitting across from Beau and he was trying to say something but I was on my phone; now, in my mind I was fully paying attention to him, but to him, I was being totally disrespectful and he burst out. He told me how frustrated and hurt he is when he is trying to tell me something and I don't communicate presence to him. The phone, he said, why don't you get off that phone? Immediately, I recognized his valid point. My girlfriend has criticized me. My old ARISE intern pals called me out. I knew he was right. Since then, I don't mindlessly use it as much, and if I am talking to my girlfriend, I make sure to let him know so he understands what I am doing.

Over that time, and over the last two days, what I have realized is that in using less Instagram, less Twitter, less Facebook, etc. I am, in a sense, fasting from trying to capture the moments and instead, living the moments. My mind is diseased and it's inclination is to think in tweets, Instagrams, photos, video ideas, poems, lyrics, lines, and so forth. Yet, as I am using it less because Beau Gilmore told me to get off my phone, I am finding this strange and wondrous pleasure in simply being in the moment and not caring about capturing it. And this has been liberating. Moreover, it has filled my days with visions and with dreams, perhaps not prophetic, but definitely revelatory, definitely meaningful, and most certainly inspirational.

Matt Parra was right. Being still is about being present, being still is about feeling your nakedness, and being in the wilderness does lead to visions. To some, it was supernatural. To me, a non-prophet, it was simply all the life, play, and conversation I had been missing out on because I wouldn't get off my phone.

Rejoicing with those who rejoice

May 26, 2013 usethegrace

Today, is a special day.

Today, my friend, my brother, my son in Jesus, and a reason for my joy in this world graduates from high school.

Abner Campos, my heart goes out to you and I wish I could be there today.

May you walk in the footsteps of Jesus always, though your route differs from mine, though your personality differs from mine,

and your calling ends up looking much different than mine,

may we remain knit together as brothers. And may we both follow in the footsteps of the One we call Master,

because He is not afraid of unity in diversity.

I send you my congratulations. You have made many proud, and I know Jesus smiles down upon you today.

Continue to be faithful in today's work, continue to persevere, flee youthful lusts and stay true to the mark.

Jesus is the mark.

A warm hug and a round of applause to you and to your classmates. Your journey has but begun,

so celebrate this landmark and anticipate with joy where the Spirit will lead next.

*****

Ah, but it is not over. Today is a special day.

My friends, Jonathan Sanchez and Gisel Tejeda are wedded today.

I wish I could be there to watch you two commit yourselves to Jesus as a married couple. I am filled with delight as I anticipate the ways in which you will glorify the name of God as a team. I know He will lead you to unforeseen joys, guide you through unexpected rocky paths, and safely bring you two together into the age to come; both of you having blessed each other, blessed others, and blessed God Himself. I can only begin to imagine the joy in heaven today. May your household be patterned after the counsels of Sister White, may Child Guidance be lived out, and may the love of 1 Corinthians 13 emanate from within your household.

May God abide with you both.

Things will probably get rough at some point.

His strength will sustain, though.

Congratulations friends. I hope you cracked a real smile today, Jonathan. :)